There are eternal favourites of mine, of course. Seeing naked skin (my own, someone else’s – it doesn’t matter) in soft lighting. Someone kissing the back of my neck. Or the back of my knees. Eating food from someone else’s fingers. Music that reaches you in places down deep, like Morcheeba. Surreptitious naughty touching in a public place.Intelligence, too, is a powerful turn-on. I was talking with my girlfriends the other day about how we absolutely must see the new Russell Crowe movie. He’s sexy enough as it is. Add to that an impressive intelligence (i.e. the character he plays in A Beautiful Mind) and he is truly irresistible. One of the sexiest things I can do with a man is debate – heated, mostly intelligent debate. The men in my life (for the most part) who have turned me on the most are those I can fight with. Not real fighting. You know what I mean.
Other things drive me even higher. Power exchange, the magic words. Having someone take control, totally and completely. Being forced to talk while being aroused. Having pleasure harnessed and given out in short little spurts. Teasing. Being teased. Bondage.
But for me, sex happens mostly in the mind. You’ll notice there’s not a lot of outright sexual activity in the list above. For years I tried to shut my mind off when making love. I think too much. I thought it was a bad thing. But for me, at least, it’s not. Turning off my mind during sex would be like putting the car in neutral while driving. It just doesn’t work that way. My mind is what identifies those sexy things. It is the part of me that craves them in the first place, over and over like the id, until I’m either overloaded or completely satiated. Either way, happy little me.
I don’t know if other women are the same way. But for me, making effective love to me means making love to my mind. Making sexy love to me means hitting my mental pressure points over and over until I’m dazed, crazed, aroused beyond measure. Luckily I have hundreds of them (only a short list above; the whole list would bore you to tears).What turns you on?