Better Sex life · Contessa

How Do I Get My Partner To Have Sex More Often?


I am reposting here an older article of a blog I used to follow, which is apparently available (the Noire Blog, for anyone interested).

Thank god I had the articles saved.

When I started reading about sex and my sex life I realised that I wanted a lot of various information, which is why I liked her stance – and from time to time, I go out with such men. What’s better then some nice dinner and some nice sex afterwards? 🙂

Here comes Contessa Noire:


How many pieces of email does the Contessa see that all ask the same question–How do I get my partner to have sex more often?

This seems to be the most important subject on many people’s minds. The Contessa is pleased that they are not saying, “My partner doesn’t have sex as often as I’d like so how should I go out and find six more lovers who will understand that my SO thinks I’m monogamous.” There is an entire art devoted to convincing someone who has shown less than an interest in sex that they truly want more–with you. That art is seduction, and it has been practiced for centuries. Sad that it has fallen into disuse.

How does one begin a seduction?

First, the Contessa advises that one drop the subject of sex entirely. Whining, browbeating and guilt-tripping do not fire anyone’s lust. No, the secret trick to seduction is to concentrate on your partner’s needs and desires, with the assurance that in the end that will include meeting your own agenda. After all, we are talking about seducing someone who has already shown some interest (by taking marriage vows or buying real estate), so one must be subtle.

The first phase of seduction is to begin to say nice things to your partner. Compliment him or her on their looks. Comment that this garment or that scent is so sexy, that their skin is delicious, that their hair or mouth or eyes are devastating. Do this right before going out or to work, so that it is obvious the compliments are not meant as a lead-in to immediate gratification; that the compliments are genuine. Do this often. Make it a habit. Do not be insincere; this is a person from whom you want sex, so the Contessa assumes you already find this person attractive and desirable. Tell him or her so regularly. Before work is especially nice, so that person will have all day to think about and enjoy the compliment.

After a few weeks of regular compliments–and remember, this must become a habit–the seducer can escalate the campaign just a hair. After all, it would never do for the intended victim to know they were the target of such a campaign. One day during the week, when it is completely unexpected, come home and spontaneously decide to take your love to his or her favorite romantic restaurant. No, the local Burger King will not do. And make certain to do this before someone has begun to cook dinner!

A few days later, do something else “spontaneous” that your partner would love but does not expect. Bring home flowers for no reason. Buy opera tickets. Wash the dishes and vacuum the floors without being asked or complaining. And do not forget to continue the compliments.

During the entire time it is imperative not to make sexual demands on the target of the seduction. The deliciousness is in waiting for that person to come, begging.

Go to a movie. Sigh over how your lover is so much more desirable than any of the stars. How you cannot believe your good fortune that such a person wants you. Hold hands in the taxi on the way home.

Pay attention to those things that your partner considers important. Anything from the recent referendum on the status of Quebec to the local AIDS clinic to the fact that the garage-door opener hasn’t been working for the past three weeks. Listen to those concerns, take them seriously. Think of how pleased your loved one will be with your support. Fix the garage door opener (or pay someone else to fix it).

During the entire process it is imperative that you show your love nothing but devotion and adoration. Do not criticize, whine, or find fault. Followed faithfully, this system will fire anyone, of any gender or orientation, to new levels of desire. And so when you stand with that fire smoldering in your eyes, desiring only to love and worship the object of your affections, there is no way that object can object.

Be good,

Contessa Noire

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