Kinky life · Vicky

Let’s talk about animal dildos

So you’re sitting at home. Feeling a little pent-up. You browse through your collection of vibrators, dildos, plugs, ben-wa balls, creams and unguents and lubes (oh my!) and you just can’t decide. Truth is, you’re bored. You’ve tried them all, played with them all, wakened your neighbours screaming with them all. And it’s just getting routine. Predictable. You know every pulse of your vibrators, every ridge of your dildoes. You even find yourself humming in B flat major on the way to work, which is coincidentally the same key at which your favourite little silver bullet is tuned.

You’ve slipped into a routine. It’s like the kiss of death for the happy masturbator.There’s no point in buying a new toy. You’ve seen them all. Nothing intrigues you any more. They are all just variations on a theme, like country tunes that re-use the same three or four chords through song after song after song. Of course, this proliferation is silicone and rubber, but you get my drift.

Who you gonna call?

Zetacreations, apparently. They’re a company that makes sex toys that are just a little different.

Okay, let’s be honest here. They’re pretty twisted. In some cases, literally.

They market what they affectionately call Animal Dildos. No little cutesy bunny vibrators here. They’re the real deal. Molded and designed to look like the penises (penii? peanuckle?) of real animals. Like lions. And tigers. And bears. Oh my.Not to mention hyena weenies, kangaroo cocks and whale whoppers, I kid you not.

I can’t figure out whether I’m disgusted by the idea or amused by its in-your-face-ness or impressed by their ingenuity. But they’re worth a look simply for curiousity’s sake.

And if you buy the whale one, be sure to write in and let me know. I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to be fucked by a whale. 🙂

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