Well, okay, perhaps we shouldn’t go quite that far. Still, I’ve enjoyed her My Messy Bedroom site for the last little while, and her latest article, Feeling Fine, is hilarious. I think most women would get a hoot out of it. Guys might learn a little something they didn’t know, too.
She’s talking about orgasm. Not the back-bending, ear-splitting, easy-to-get-as-a-cold kind they have in porn. Real orgasms, for real women, need a little bit more to get the rocket to the moon. And sometimes flights get cancelled. Mission control has a lot of working parts and if one – just one – of those parts looks iffy, then it’s sayonara. The whole mission is grounded.
It’s as frustrating as hell. (Is hell frustrating?) Well, you know what I mean.
One of her funniest moments (in the article) is when she talks about how much more complicated it can be having an orgasm with a partner. “The reasons for this are obvious.”, she notes. “I’m better at feeding myself and wiping my own bum too.”
Sad, but true.
I envy men. Most men can seem to come without even trying – in fact, most of ’em spend a lot of that naked-and-together time trying really hard not to “come too soon”. For me, it’s more likely to feel like “oh-mm-so-close-right-ah-there-but-shoot-dammit-time-to-start-all-over-again”. Not always, of course. But often enough to make me envy those of you with a penis and a seemingly endless stream (pardon the pun) of orgasms.
Women talk a LOT about sex. But I’ll let you in on a little secret, guys: we rarely talk about our ability/inability to orgasm. So it was with equal parts relief and laughter that I read Josey’s little article and realized that I’m not alone. Heh. She, too, gets performance anxiety (“am I taking too long? He must be getting so frustrated with this”).
I mean honestly, ladies, have you ever found yourself in a position (of your choice, of course… grin) where you think “If he keeps that up for another thirty minutes I’ll definitely have an orgasm.” Of course, by that time, the poor man’s fingers/tongue/cock will be ready to fall off from sheer overuse. But it’s a nice fantasy.
She’s right on the ball, pardon the misnomer, about the clitoris as well. She pegs the number of women who need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm at 40%. I’d say based on the women I know, at least, that the number’s much higher than that. And not all men know this. Some think that vaginal stimulation alone – with fingers, or a cock – is enough. Don’t get me wrong, guys, it feels great. Kind of like I imagine it feels for guys when they have their balls licked. But (and this question is aimed at the men here) could you come from having your balls licked? Some of you will say yes, but I’m betting that most of you would need some direct penile stimulation – fingers, mouth, pussy, to name a few – to bring on the main event. Am I wrong here?
Orgasms, in and of themselves, can be elusive to women. Took me nearly twenty years of playing with myself (okay, I started young) to be able to reliably bring myself to not just orgasms but those “ooh-ahh-oh-ohhhh-big silent pause-OHohohoh” kind where you can still feel everything shimmying and shaking down there for the next ten minutes. And I generally have battery-or-electrically powered help. If you get my drift.
And if it took me nearly twenty years, no small surprise that I feel like my personal Orgasm Angel (now wouldn’t that make the world a better place?) has peeped over my shoulder if I manage to have any flavour of orgasm at all with a new partner? It’s a damn miracle if Mission Control gives a “go” for launch at all, so to speak.
Which is why I find sex improves the longer you know your partner. This is the case for most women I know, anyway. If you’re going to get out that manned mission to Mars, you need to send a few probes (har-har-har), get the lay of the land. Then send out some little robot-type guys to do some reconnaissance (and oh, how I wish more men would be willing to use those little robot guys… grin). Manned missions will always do better once the foundation is laid.
The foundation is laid.
Damn, I’ve got to stop these bad puns! I’ll work on it tomorrow.
Today, I think I’ll just work on another orgasm. 🙂