While it’s quite de rigeur for women to have at least one sex toy – and some of us have several – it has been my experience that guys, on the whole, don’t have any interest in trying out the myriad of sex toys available for men.

I surveyed several of the men I know, and the basic feeling was this: “They couldn’t possibly be any good – definitely no better than my hand. Plus, I’d seem like a wuss using a toy – real men just use their hands.”

Privately, I think they’re all terrified of seeming like that “desperate sexual loser-type that you sometimes see hanging out in the back of adult video stores”. But like all phobias, I tend to believe that these fears are not so much based in fact as they are on instinct.

Good Vibrations’ Magazine this month has a great article, written by a man, about sex toys. He’d never tried them before, either, but he tried out a few styles – a vibrator, a Fleshlight (I’ve seen these in Come As You Are and they look amazing) and one of those hand-pumps. Here it is:

Ah, the sensual delight of a hot bath. The tickle of bubbles against your back, the aroma of stream rising off the water, the caress of the heat against your skin. There are few better methods for washing away the stresses of the day. And few more arousing rituals to get in the mood for a romantic evening.

Recently, I decided to test just how much fun getting clean could be as a way of getting dirty.

I put together the ultimate bath kit, gathering all the elements for a superb soaking: bubble bath, water toys, some nice scented soap and even a good read. But these weren’t your usual cleansing products. These were designed to turn our cramped and chipping claw-foot into one of the steamiest hot tubs I’d ever stuck a toe into.

I greeted my sweetie at the door when he came in, handed him a silk robe and a glass of wine, and told him to slip into something more comfortable. I had Stereolab in the CD player and votive candles flickering around the bathroom. Then I started the hot water and added Wash Away Your Sins Bubble Bath, self-proclaimed “Baptism in a Bottle” bishop-tested to “remove stubborn guilt.” As soon as we eased in, we could tell we were in for a religious experience.

We began with reading passages. The story collection Aqua Erotica, cleverly printed on waterproof pages, proved to be the perfect inspiration. He read a rendition of “The Little Mermaid,” about a siren who swaps her voice for a pair of legs and discovers the joy of what’s between them. I read one about a fisherwoman with a penchant for catching electric eels. This bath was getting hotter by the minute. The mirror was starting to fog.

We moved to the washing phase. I have always found soap to be a wonderful sexual aid, but for a few unfortunate buzz-kills. It is easy to get carried away in getting certain parts especially clean, which can result in some unwelcome stinging. Try to get a little tongue in on the cleaning action, and you end up with a mouthful of Ivory.

But we had a soap designed for unclean fun. The Wash Away Your Sins Cleansing Bar is made for washing your mouth out with soap. Created from a blend of frankincense, nutmeg and ginger, it is so gentle, it even functions as a water-friendly lube. Better yet, it is completely edible. We washed, rinsed and repeated several times. Then we licked each other clean.

Of course, no bath would be complete without toys. We had ourselves a full assortment. There was the iCandy Smoothie, shaped like an underwater torpedo, which caused an explosion when it found its target. There was the Waterproof Joltin’ Jelly, an 8-inch jelly vibrating dildo, the toy I affectionately referred to as “rubber dicky” (It’s the one. It makes bath time lots of fun.) But my personal favorite was the Water Dancer, a powerful if petite little jolt of pleasure that started as a ripple and ended up causing a tsunami.

By now, we were ready to put away our toys and play with each other. But getting it on with anyone but Aquaman can be difficult underwater, as natural lubrication is washed away. Fortunately, I hadn’t forgotten to pack one of the most important bath products of all: Eros, long-lasting lube. Eros is silicone-based, which means it won’t dissolve in water.

It was an hour and a half of pure waterlogged pleasure before my honey and I emerged from the tub. Our fingers were puckered to prunes. Our toes were California raisins. But we glowed with a bliss you can’t get from soap. After all, a good bath will get you clean. A bad bath will make you radiant.

As I suspected, the vibe was a good way to get stimulated – ditto the hand pump. But for a good solid orgasm – one that according to him feels much closer to sex than using his hand – the Fleshlight was the toy of choice. I really love the look and feel of these “cyberskin” sheaths and would dearly LOVE to either try one on a man myself or watch him go to town with it on his own.

For men who just don’t understand the appeal, think of it this way: if you enjoy watching a woman pleasure herself with a vibrator or dildo, why not give her some of the visual stimulation right back – by enjoying your own toys?